I've taken time since that last post to try accept where we are at. As odd as it may sound, I honestly think I had to go through the 5 stages of grief before "accepting" where we are at today. I went to grad school, had 2 babies during my studies and continued to push through with all A's, graduated and passed the state boards. Since September my job hunt has proved unsuccessful and emotionally wrecking for me. When a good friend put the bug in my ear about staying home with the girls I put that thought at the back of my mind.
As time passed and interviews didn't turn into offers I started to consider the possibility of staying home with the girls until they all reached elementary school. By pulling the girls out of day care we would be saving money. I would automatically start making a salary just by pre schooling the girls at home instead of paying for daycare. This was a hard fact to ignore.
We did a lot of talking as a family. And a lot of talking with friends and extended family. A support system is crucial for any crossroad you are facing. I am forever grateful for our support system!
We sat down with Reese and Emma and talked to them about doing school at home instead (of course I mean until Kindergarden starts). About what that would mean as far as not seeing their friends on a daily basis anymore. I was impressed when they both chose to stay at home versus going to their daycare. They love going to school and love their friends...so I didn't think they would be so quick to say they wanted to stay home. Reese now asks me on a daily basis "when are we going to do school at home?"
I have prayed a lot. Trying to be patient and trusting that He will provide and ultimately all I need to do is have faith in Him. One day I "accepted" this new role in my life. I will stay home and preschool the girls for a few years and enjoy these childhood years while I can. I can search for a job in a few years and will probably be more relaxed about it since there won't be so much pressure on me to find one. I will be able to enjoy our eventual 4th baby and the nursing process when that time comes for us.
For the first time in several weeks I am sleeping well at night again. My anxiety has disappeared. Friends are telling me that they wish they could stay home with their kids and would if they could. I have classmates who have jobs and are practicing who at not happy right now. I have established that people always want what they don't have. Those who have a job want to stay home and visa vera.
The girls' last day of daycare is May 10th. Reese will be able to attend her "Growing Up" celebration that day (which is like a little graduation before kids start filtering out for preschool). This will be a good closure point for her I believe. We are having a dinner celebration with friends from the daycare that evening. Reese will be able to still attend her ballet recital on May 17th since we paid for that separately from the daycare.
We will enroll Reese and Emma into ballet/tap at a local dance studio for the fall so Reese can still continue to do what she loves. I am also looking into gymnastics for the fall. The girls are signed up for a week of one on one swim lessons this summer!
I had a lot of fears and doubts in the beginning of this process about my ability to teach them the same quality of education as they have been getting. I doubted my ability to get them ready for kindergarden, teach them about the Bible, and basic Spanish.
All I have to say is thank goodness for Pinterest! I have found so much free educational material for the girls that I have really gained confidence in my ability to teach my girls. And I'm sorry to all my Pinterest friends who are having to see all the preschool pins recently as I try and get organized.
What I have learned from this whole experience:
- I will become a better mother, which is something I have been working on
- My relationship with God is stronger than it has ever been. I will be learning the Bible along with my girls!
- The girls will get to spend more time with Daddy since he is off several weekdays
- I will not miss anymore milestones with the girls
- The girls will make even more friends by attending outside recreation while we hold onto the amazing friends we have already been blessed with
- Our family and friends support this decision 100%
- No matter what, Trust God!